The growth of the coaching field is exciting, and I am happy to welcome so many new practitioners to the field. I have been fortunate since the 70’s to be trained in various "people-helping" approaches with strong behavioral foundations.  As a trainer of coaches, consultants, and facilitators, as well as in my own coaching and therapy practices, I have had the opportunity pay close attention to the core behavioral skills that make or break the coaching encounter. 

This article is a brief survey of the skill areas that both experienced coaches and coaching students need in order to provide even decent assistance to their clients. Of course, every specialization in coaching involves particular subject knowledge and methodology. Without the pillars of behavioral skill, however, the value a coach has to offer can be undermined without conscious awareness or intention.

The five skill areas discussed here form the kernel of Syntax*, a coaching and communication model derived from major advances in neurolinguistics, conversational change, and transactional analysis.  One of the beauties of Syntax is that it not only encodes the skills needed for a coach to be effective; it also represents the effectiveness skills that enable your clients to reach their objectives.

Here are the five skill areas and examples from the coaching context:

PLAN
Plan is about the ability to set positive, concrete, and motivating goals. I met with Jeanne, an extremely bright woman working for a Silicon Valley high tech company, and consistently began our sessions by asking her what her goal for the session was, how she (and others) would benefit from reaching that goal, and how she (and others) would be able to tell when she reached it.

Her goals included reducing overload and finding more satisfaction in her work. I noticed that the way she talked about these goals was completely focused on what was wrong in her current situation and why there was so much resistance on the part of her boss and team.

As she built the "muscles" of being able to focus on her desired outcome instead of the problems, and to be concrete in defining goals, it was just amazing how much of the resistance and problem melted away. If I as coach hadn’t used the consistent behavior of asking clear outcome-oriented questions to establish the goals for our work together, we probably would have spent a lot more time digging around into the "problems" and why they were so difficult.

LINK
Link is another important set of skills to observe in yourself and others -- the ability to meet the other person where he or she is, which requires clear perception and broad flexibility. Next time you are in a nicely flowing exchange with a coaching client, notice how your behavioral patterns match up with his or hers. We naturally and intuitively demonstrate behavioral matching when we are aligned in communicating with others. It represents a mindset of acceptance and an ability to take in the other person’s experience. If you become uncomfortable, or find yourself triggered or struggling with the other person, your behavior probably conveys a mismatch which results in reduced channels of communication. Check this out without labeling or judging body language. Simply notice whether your behavior conveys the intended respect and alignment, and whether your client needs to be observing the effects of behavioral matching / mismatching in key conversations as well.

BALANCE
A third skill area is one that I refer to as BALANCE. The major behavioral component of Balance is the ability to make clear and fair requests and agreements. Many coaches have unclear agreements with their clients, which result in disappointment, co-dependence, and a whole host of other negative effects. The desire to prove that you can help someone else often hooks coaches into making offers that are beyond the appropriate scope or their competence. Coaches may guarantee to produce changes that are actually up to the client. And beginning coaches may fail to ask for the proper payment or exchange because they are so eager to get clients. All of these distortions have ripple effects in the coaching relationship and undermine the real ability to help. 

INFORM
Inform is the skill area of listening well to exactly what the client says as well as intuiting deeper meanings. It includes the ability to ask the most efficient questions to gather information and direct attention.  Experiment with observing and varying the kinds of questions you ask. Notice whether you ask "why" frequently and the kinds of answers you get. Then try using "what" or "how" questions and pay attention to the kinds of answers. Skillful use of even these simple differences distinguish the brilliant coach from the average one.

LEARN
Another large category of skills comes under the heading of LEARN. If you can’t learn with your clients, better find some other line of work. Learning well includes being able to take feedback without interpreting it as failure, being able to hear and tune into someone else’s experience without totally filtering it through your own, and being able to observe behavior without jumping to conclusions about its meaning.

All of these are huge lifelong learning arenas, and growth in any of them will produce immediate and dramatic improvements in the value you bring to clients. As a senior coach, I find regular tune-ups in all these areas to be a key to staying awake and fresh for each new client and trainee. I wish you well as you pursue your coaching career, and hope that you too will continually build your behavioral skills. After all, it’s the one thing that’s sure to show!

How to learn more
You can learn more about Syntax by reading Smart Work: The Syntax Guide for Mutual Understanding in the Workplace, by Lisa Marshall and Lucy Freedman, Kendall-Hunt, 1995, now in its fourth printing, or by taking courses with Lucy and Syntax’s certified consultants.

Upcoming Workshop
Syntax Advanced Learning Institute (SALI)
Are You Ready to Move to the Next Level in Your Career?
Syntax invites you to participate in this year’s Advanced Learning Institute, a residential program on the Northern California Coast, for coaches, consultants, and facilitators. Now in its fifteenth year, the Advanced Learning Institute provides advanced training and stimulating exchange among top-notch professionals who work both internally and externally with corporate clients. It will be held July 22-26 near Pescadero, California. Complete details, early registration and group discounts and partial scholarships are available on request .
Visit our website at www.syntx.com for more information on Syntax.

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