Why is a Relationship like a Vase?

Daily Coaching Tip 280
January 7, 2002

Ever since I learned that the two bestselling relationship gurus, John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) and Barbara DeAngelis (Secrets about Men Every Woman Should Know) got divorced from one another in the midst of an international lecture tour on how to make relationships last, I've been reticent about writing anything that smacks of "I'm Happily Married - Nyaahh, Nyaah, Nyaah!" lest the gods of comeuppance decide to come after me. :-)

But as I sit here awaiting the (imminent!) birth of my third child after fourteen years of no, not perfection but yes, immense happiness and love with my wife Nina, I'd like to share my top five reasons why a relationship is like a vase...

REASON NUMBER FIVE:
Even if it's cracked or broken, you can fix it.
I always liked Ken Keyes philosophy when it comes to "broken" relationships - you may as well put everything you can into learning how to fix this one, because otherwise your next one is liable to crack in exactly the same place.

Which is why it's important to remember...

REASON NUMBER FOUR:
If you want to freshen things up, you change the flowers, not the vase.
If you don't change the contents of a vase regularly, it begins to look (and smell) pretty horrible! Too often people look to change partners when things get a bit stale, instead of clearing out the old and bringing in some fresh beauty.

Which brings us to...

REASON NUMBER THREE:
The purpose of a vase is to put beautiful things inside it.
I've always wondered about people who put a vase on the shelf like a piece of art instead of filling it with flowers. No matter how beautiful it may look to others, it always seems a bit empty to me.

Fill your relationships with beautiful things and notice how much more joy they to your life. But if you're banking on your relationships to bring you ALL your happiness (along with your breakfast in bed), you may need to look at...

REASON NUMBER TWO:
The more things you want it to hold, the bigger the vase needs to be.
What's the "beauty" capacity of your current relationship? How good can it get before one or both of you feels the need to throw the other shoe before it drops on its own?

If you want things to continue to get better and better, you may need to take some time to re-fashion and expand the boundaries of your relationship.

And finally (drumroll, please!)...

REASON NUMBER ONE:
A quality vase becomes more precious the longer it lasts, but no less fragile.
Ever wonder what the insurance must be on a Ming Dynasty vase?

While a relationship can certainly become more resilient with age, all of the "old-timers" I've been lucky enough to spend time with take every bit as much (or more) care of the relationship now as they ever did.

Today's experiment comes in two simple parts:
1. Fill an old vase with some new flowers.
2. Give them to someone you love.

Until tomorrow,
michael
(The Coach)